Some Christmas Advice!!

Vintage Christmas Postcard - Santa
Creative Commons License photo credit: riptheskull

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house
Young Maxie was chasing his little pink mouse!

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
But he pulled them to the floor and then left them there!

Toria was nestled all snug in her bed
Leaving me to deal with the mayhem instead!

And I in my dressing gown and thick woolly hat
Was patrolling the house muttering ‘Where is that cat?’

When out on the drive there arose such a clatter
I went to the window to see what was the matter.

Almost tripped over young Max in my haste..
He thought it fun, and began to give chase!

The moon shining down on the slippy black ice
Made me think ‘I’ll stay in – that does not look nice!’

When what to my blurred vision did appear
But a bloody great sleigh and inflatable reindeer!

With a little old driver all dressed in red
‘Go away’ I shouted ‘I’m ready for bed’!

‘Where is your chimney?’he said ‘I’ve been on the roof,
Did you not hear the clatter of each reindeer’s hoof?’

‘I had it removed last Spring’ I explained
‘It was unsafe with loose bricks and I know who to blame!’

‘Well well’ he said and twinkled his eyes,
‘How will I get in to eat those mince pies?’

‘And that nice glass of sherry you leave every year?’
‘Push off!’ I muttered ‘you’re not coming in here!’

(Well you never know these days with all this Santa wear,
The bloke could be anyone underneath all that hair!)

‘But what about your presents? – Go on open up the door’
‘Do you think me daft?’ I said, ‘Go away – I’ll call the law!!’

(Everyone knows Santa can get down the flue…
This guy was a fake – he didn’t have a clue!)

With that he subsided and reinflated his team
‘It’s a fair cop lady – I know what you mean!’

But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight
‘Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!’

The moral of this tale is very clear to me
And with just a few more lines I’ll try to make you see..

Don’t give mince pies and sherry to just anyone in red!
And always put the cat out before you go to bed!!!

(Apologies and thanks to Clement C Moore for messing with his poetry)

5 thoughts on “Some Christmas Advice!!”

  1. Ahahahahaha! I know some people who could rewrite that about greyhounds! Each year there are threads on Greytalk with titles like ‘How do I stop Twiglet peeing up the tree’ or ‘Mr Legs got into the gifts and ate two pounds of Hershey Kisses”. The most alarming of this year’s crop was “Help! He took a bite of the tree – and lights!!

  2. Well – that was last year in our house.. we only got Hippie last December and she removed so many things from the tree it was scary. Funny thing is she’s terrified of it this year – I really don’t understand that! x
    BTW thank you so much for my card and gift!

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